I look at the sun setting behind the pine tree across the street from my apartment, I realize that summer is basically over. Sometimes, when someone asks me something that is related to time, or to an event (e.g. “when was the last time you visited your parents?”) When I try to remember the answer to that question, it seems like it’s only maybe March, that it hasn’t been that long, that the year is still stretching out in front of me – full of promises to keep, goals to reach, and the unknown to discover.
And then the truth hits me: that it’s actually September, and the year is winding down, the shadows lengthening. The summer is practically over, and I am so thankful for that.
This bit was going to be about the eternal struggle in the human soul, about the moment of discovery when we find out something new about ourselves, about that exquisite agony that human beings share across all cultures and continents. But that ended up being stupid, no matter how many times I tried a phrase and then deleted it.
So I’ll just list some of the things I learned this summer, a few of which I thought I knew already but have had to relearn.
– What you think you’d do, and who you think you will be in moments of intense stress and challenge are not always the same as what really happens and who you really are. There’s no way to know except to go through it. It’s not easy, but it’s got to be done. Know who you are. “To thine own self be true,” and all of that.
– Some lessons have to be learned a few times before they stick; a realization occurs, sometimes several times, and each time it makes more sense. Each time there is more real-world application in it, and each time you get more used to the action until the muscle memory is all you need.
– All the cliches about losing something before you know how much you value it are true. Facing failure in the face makes you question everything. The answers to those questions, if you’re willing to really face them, will show you what you need to do.
– We can’t be happy all the time. Times of challenge, pain, and sadness are also part of life and must be dealt with in due course. Stop freaking out and causing drama for everyone around you just because things are a little difficult.
– If you want to succeed, you have to get to the place where failure actually means something real and painful. In order to help others achieve their goals and potential, you have to be in the place where failure means that you are not the only one who might suffer. You have to figure out how to get them involved in the struggle as well.
– Your worth, your identity, is not dictated by how you do at your job. Rather, how you do at your job is dictated by your identity. Sometimes it doesn’t seem that your performance matches your inner self, but follow it through and everything will be okay.
-No matter how important the task, it’s the people around you who are really essential. Connect with them, be authentic with them, and that investment will return to you no matter what happens to the project.
shiny mess 