The truth in the cliche

I look at the sun setting behind the pine tree across the street from my apartment, I realize that summer is basically over. Sometimes, when someone asks me something that is related to time, or to an event (e.g. “when was the last time you visited your parents?”) When I try to remember the answer to that question, it seems like it’s only maybe March, that it hasn’t been that long, that the year is still stretching out in front of me – full of promises to keep, goals to reach, and the unknown to discover.

And then the truth hits me: that it’s actually September, and the year is winding down, the shadows lengthening. The summer is practically over, and I am so thankful for that.

This bit was going to be about the eternal struggle in the human soul, about the moment of discovery when we find out something new about ourselves, about that exquisite agony that human beings share across all cultures and continents. But that ended up being stupid, no matter how many times I tried a phrase and then deleted it.

So I’ll just list some of the things I learned this summer, a few of which I thought I knew already but have had to relearn.

– What you think you’d do, and who you think you will be in moments of intense stress and challenge are not always the same as what really happens and who you really are. There’s no way to know except to go through it. It’s not easy, but it’s got to be done. Know who you are. “To thine own self be true,” and all of that.

– Some lessons have to be learned a few times before they stick; a realization occurs, sometimes several times, and each time it makes more sense. Each time there is more real-world application in it, and each time you get more used to the action until the muscle memory is all you need.

– All the cliches about losing something before you know how much you value it are true. Facing failure in the face makes you question everything. The answers to those questions, if you’re willing to really face them, will show you what you need to do.

– We can’t be happy all the time. Times of challenge, pain, and sadness are also part of life and must be dealt with in due course. Stop freaking out and causing drama for everyone around you just because things are a little difficult.

– If you want to succeed, you have to get to the place where failure actually means something real and painful. In order to help others achieve their goals and potential, you have to be in the place where failure means that you are not the only one who might suffer. You have to figure out how to get them involved in the struggle as well.

– Your worth, your identity, is not dictated by how you do at your job. Rather, how you do at your job is dictated by your identity. Sometimes it doesn’t seem that your performance matches your inner self, but follow it through and everything will be okay.

-No matter how important the task, it’s the people around you who are really essential. Connect with them, be authentic with them, and that investment will return to you no matter what happens to the project.

Asking questions doesn’t always mean getting answers

I have been thinking almost nonstop about innovation – both at work (well, mostly at work), but also in my personal life. It’s actually almost impossible for me to stop thinking, analysing, hashing and rehashing every little thing.

For the past few months work has been foremost in my life. Hiring someone to help me has freed me up for implementing some of the day dreams at work. There is constantly a tension between settling into my position and enjoying the daily grind, and never being satisfied with the status quo.

This applies to my personal life as well. I’m much better at brainstorming than at actually doing (well, maybe not MUCH better, but it does seem much easier.) I realize I’m not alone in this, but that doesn’t make it less frustrating.

My brother gave me a book to read, The 4-hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss.

It may not be all it promises it will be, but it is certainly an amazing exercise in re-evaluating my assumptions about what my life and my job are supposed to be like. What are my goals? What am I working for? What do I want to be now, not just when I grow up.

What am I accomplishing by getting to work early, working through my lunch break, and leaving late? Why do I bring work home? What’s the point? What do I really want out of life?

I don’t look at these questions the same way the author of 4Hour Work Week does, because my perspective is more Heaven-oriented, but his concept of having more free time and enough money to make your dreams come true can definitely be geared towards that too.

If I am working so hard to ultimately help the staff and students at Mueller College have a better life while they’re in my presence, then asking these questions is going to be so helpful and in fact essential. I’ve got to ask them in order to Clarify the Win daily, and in the long term.

Starting from Scratch

According to this website, the phrase Start from Scratch now means to start over after an initial failure as if starting for the first time because nothing good could be gotten from the failure. Back in the day it meant that you had no advantage at the beginning.

I prefer the original connotation, personally: starting an endeavor with no advantage, with just your “scratch.”

In the Bible, people were always starting from scratch. Abraham, Jacob, Moses – all sent into the wilderness, traveling from one established place to another unfamiliar place. Paul and the other apostles never really had a place to call “home” in their journeys to share the Good News. In more recent history, the only reason we have this great country of the United States is because intrepid souls left the comfort of solid land to risk their lives crossing the ocean in search of new things.  Arguably, most of the amazing inventions blessing us in this era have come about because their inventors stepped out and made something where there was nothing.

There is something so thrilling about the idea of leaving what is behind and striving towards what is ahead. My husband and I recently experienced this for ourselves. We got married a little more than a year and a half ago. We always knew that we didn’t want to stay in the town where we met. Our plan was more of a five-year plan, than anything urgent and immediate. But in a very few months after our wedding, a series of situations and circumstances transpired (or conspired, if God can conspire), to make it possible and probable for us to make it a five month plan instead.

So we gave notice, looked for a place to live in San Diego, and packed all our worldly belongings (minus all the stuff we threw/gave away.) A few people made comments to the effect of: “Aren’t you scared? You don’t know where you’re going. You don’t have jobs there.” But, actually, it never occurred to me to be scared. It’s not like I have more faith than other people, or that I heard a voice telling me anything other people couldn’t hear. It is just that I believe and trust the God will provide (even if it’s not in the way I want and even if I don’t like it at the time.) Knowing that He is in control makes the fear of the unknown much less potent.

I know, I have learned and am still learning, that God is completely in control. When I look at the things in my life, the coincidences, accidents, planning, and the consequences of my decisions, I can clearly see His hand in it. I think it’s a very subtle thing. It’s certainly not a magic formula. Partly it is a matter of perspective and trust in the promises in the Bible. Partly it’s a matter of surrendering and waiting. There have been times when I didn’t see God anywhere, and I was, quite frankly, in despair. I thought, “what is the point of prayer, if God doesn’t listen?” because things hadn’t gone MY way. But a little time and a lot of prayer later, and I was able to look back at those times and see God even there.

This is what I’ve seen God provide directly in the past 12 months: a beautiful apartment with wonderful neighbors; reunions with a few good friends in unexpected places; two crazy jobs with awesome people; miraculous success for members of my family (even through crushing defeats); a whole new level of intimacy with God Himself; and a constantly deepening and satisfying relationship with my husband. You may not believe that anything I have seen has directly come from God, but I know that it has. My life continues to surprise me, but not to scare me, even in those moments when I am completely overwhelmed and underqualified. Even in those moments when I do not know how to make the necessary decisions and take the required actions.

We had a small amount of savings to help us out when we first moved and had no jobs. Knowing that this cushion would be short-lived, we both applied to as many jobs as possible. Michael was hired on the spot at two or three job interviews just three weeks into our adventure. While working at one company, he randomly met another plumber in a Wendy’s who gave him his card and told him to call if he was ever looking for another job. One thing lead to another, and weeks later Michael realized he was not happy at the big business, sales-intensive company he was working for, and gave the plumber from Wendy’s a call. This new job was perfect – just three guys including the owner (the guy from Wendy’s). The other employee is also a Christian, and has expressed to Michael that he thinks the reason he is there is to “save” the owner.

I applied to almost 200 jobs while working part-time as a teacher at the local Sylvan Learning Center. Hardly anyone ever called me back, and the only interviews I got were for sales (yuck.) I had been praying that whatever job I got would be one where God could use me to reach my coworkers in some way. One day, applying on monster.com or maybe careerbuilder.com, I decided to click “apply” on a listing for a “career services representative” at a vocational college in downtown San Diego. Literally four minutes and thirty seconds later the campus president called me and we scheduled an interview. Voila! Job! I truly enjoyed working there, but it was short-lived. The campus closed down six months later (this was part of the deal when I was hired.) Another college, one that was “holistic studies” oriented decided to take over the lease and offered to interview the staff members who hadn’t found another job yet. Now, holistic studies is not something I would ever say I was interested. Actually, I didn’t want to work there, but in this economy I knew I couldn’t turn down the chance to interview. Imagine my surprise when I was asked to write what was basically my ideal job description, and was actually hired to do pretty much exactly that. I am working in the last place I ever expected to be, with people as different from me as it is possible to be. And I love it.

The reason it was not scary, and has not been scary, to move to a new place without knowing exactly what is going to happen, is that we have seen the way difficult situations have “worked out” in the past and now. We have seen that the Lord is good.

In a sense, every day is an opportunity to “start from scratch.”

They say, “it’s a new day, with no mistakes in it.. yet.” And I think that’s true, though sometimes you do have to deal with consequences from previous days. God has a way of giving second chances multiplied by a lot. Starting over from scratch is part of the process of teaching us to grow and to learn from our mistakes. It’s an act of mercy. Starting from scratch is not really starting with nothing, but starting with God – which is everything. Whether it’s a big move away from your hometown and all your friends, or waking up in the morning with the chance to do the day differently, if God is in control then nothing is really scary and everything is a bit surprising.